inspiration run

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLnDwLmVIyY

bachein hai hum baarish mein
bheegein hai.. par na dil se...
kuch karne ki khayish hai..
bhatke hai par, kuch ban ne ki saazish mein..
aaon dosthon haath badao..
milke ek tho jyoth jalao..
chota hai ye..par dil na haaro..
ek ek karke.. banthe hai laakhon..

chocolate dreams....

lost and to be found:

a reason.. an answer to my sleepless nights.. something that 'll tell me - bud, this is what you are.. what you are doing.. and where you are going..
I have searched and obviously in vain.. maybe i am asking the wrong questions.. maybe i am looking in the wrong places.. maybe i shouldnt be.. hmm.. all i get is more questions.. more to add to a list i do not want to revisit from the fear of exhaustion - the fear of losing myself in the depth of my ignorance.. [this must be an oxymoron]..
troubled.. maybe not.. but getting there.. I find no respite.. no satisfaction.. work is but a mundane activity.. but so is life.. actually its not always so.. there are moments.. moments that make up my entire day.. is it worth my entire day for those moments.. maybe so..
There's something about me i haven't been able to understand.. something that lurks.. in there.. It appears dark to me at times.. but maybe so because i haven't figured it out yet..

Life - as i have lived it - will not be be aptly presumed.. by many and maybe rightly so.. but then again I do not regret and maybe rightly so too.. maybe today is a lie... for a happier tomorrow.. maybe yesterday was one .. but then.. when the tomorrow comes will it be worth it..

questions all.. but sometimes again i am normal.. very normal ... i dream of a million and more.. ['dream of ' actually means wish for ] i wish for that fancy car.. fancy house and self employment.. or the not having the need for it... normal all .. and not aptly normal.

Am i searching.. when i should not be.. well.. freedom dictates the search for itself.. freedom from questions.. I crave a day when i know exactly what i want to do for the whole 24 hours.. the whole enchilada as they say... i crave for that morning when i wake up and know.. i am going to do what i want to and know i want to .... its poison.. slow as chocolate and equally enticing.....

kuch hai aise geet.. jo gaa kar gham bhula dethe hai log..
kuch hai aise pal.. jo paa kar... duniya bhuladethe hai log..
kuch hai aise lamhe.. jo insaan ko badal dethe hai..

kuch paa kar kuch khona.. kuch kho kar kuch paana..
sunn pyaare... isi ka naam hai jeena...

more from the same...

7:40 am - almost an ode... A long time ago..
when the grass looked green...
and the world... i had not seen..
i has no cares on my mind...
and no shackles to unwind...

A long time ago..
when i had a different hue to my voice..
when i had the luxury of choice...
i took the path untrodden...
hoping for my horizons to broaden...

a long time.. sure.. it has been...
and a lot, since have i seen...
and the question irks me yet...
on a differnet road... would we still have met...

for you are what keeps me afloat..
when nothin remains of my haute..

to b continued..... am too sleepy,.. tired... hmm.. and the excuses.. flow on...

almost a poem...

I went back to see my old blogs.. couldn't leave this there to be deleted... so here it is... almost a poem...

i came here for silence.. i came here for peace.. i have spent last evening here.. and many before .. i feel at home here.. i feel supreme here... the sea unfurls underneath.. and expands around my stony sheath.. i fear not its rumbling waves... i fear not its incessant raves... my rock stands steadfast... unwavering to the mighty haste.. i wait here until the red one recedes.. and its color the ocean bleeds.. i remember the first time i was here... i remember my consummating fear.. i had hoped for respite.. i had hoped i did not have to fight.. how i wanted the waves to win.. how i wanted the world not to hear me whine.. i had come here to die.. i had hoped no more to lie.. but my rock stood its ground... ever since to it i have been bound.. it has taught me life's little art... it has given me a new start... i have learnt to stand and fight even when the tunnel end has no light for there's something on which i can rely through life's low and high... my little rock will stand still and deny the ocean's will...

pal bhai jeena..

deleted due to hindi weakness...

Nothing.........

Life as the M

*************


deleted for dumbness...

- KGB

a face behind another...

And then each chose a mask to hide behind.. Mine never felt to fit all that well.. clumsy at best.. but well .. a mask's a mask and once chosen there isnt a replacement.. maybe a slight adjustment.. but not a replacement. So, behind this mask i hide.. like the one before ..the one behind and the lot..

The mask's been around.. served its purpose well so far.. people seem to accept it.. for what its worth.. its deficiencies.. its whatever.. people believed the mask was me... Only a few were allowed to see beyond.. the few whose masks i tried to look beyond just to keep the deal fair enough... or so i thought...

But then at times, the mask seems to take over.. like there isnt anything beneath [or behind ... whatever suits you.. ] like the one behind the mask wasnt all that different.. like the one in the mirror was the same as the one without the mask on.. interesting huh? And then as i try to peel away.. the pain is immense .. like pulling out a part of myself.. like tearing off a limb..

The question haunts me... do i need the pain??.. why look within trying to find a face when the mask is the perfect replacement.. when no one seems to notice.. [not even myself at times..]
Why do i need to bleed... hmm .. which face is this i see in the mirror now? Is it me?

Rowling fame..

And then it ended.. almost too quickly.. and the dark lord lay there... dead to the ones around.. dead to the ones that read on... seven long books later all it took was a harmless "Expelliarmus". Simple and sweet, aint it!

And then nineteen years went by and i was almost reading something out of a soap drama of sorts. And it all ended with saying that the scar did not burn in nineteen years.. as if it was all about him.. the dark one.

Glad its over. Dissappointed??... hmm.. not really..

you get attached to things you have been doing for a while.. reminds me of the eleven year old watch on this dude... he told me he hated it for having worn it everyday.. for as long as he had had it... but the romance of if it all was that he wore it for the girl who had given it to him.. eleven long years ago...
romantic ..huh? crap.

There used to be a me ..not so long ago..or so i think.. who would have gone wow on that.. but that me is lying somewhere... dead.. maybe buried next to riddle boy..
You know what.. i am kind of liking Rowling.. hmm.. more like the way i am a fan of Indian Ocean.. I love indian ocean.. more for the purity of music and the insanity of their passion for it than their music itself.. here... more for the kids + kids aged over 20 who stood for hours at end outside barnes and nobles and the kind.. than for the words that make the books itself...

hmm.. been pretty bland.. off we go...

Two's a pair

PlayTime

Batman Returns...

midnight Owls

No. not those OWLs. I have been reading 'arry Potter, but not enough to be thinking of OWLs yet. No not the flying ones, and certainly not those on paper. Now, I 've almost forgotten what i 've wanted to write about. well. I forgot totally.

While we are at it, lets talk Euthenasia. Sarika says she's all for it. Am I? Its relative, isn't it. Whats true for one or more is not so for another or more. I think abortion, Euthenasia etc. are case by case based. Hmm.. abortion. that i would say, is a mother's choice. Hmm.. not totally though. I agree with it's her choice until about 6 months into pregnancy [Now we get technical - is 6 months and 1 day a lot different that 6 months. Nope.] The time is where the problem arises as to the discussion. When do you deem a baby [I was going to say fetus.. but well] a baby? Why 6 months?

Either way, I am all against rules. No rule, no war, no progress, no humanity. Hmm.. and why do we have to connect humanity with progress. Does not having any scientific progress make us less human? huh... now I am sleepy. I gotta sleep.

BTW, that's a misnomer. Its early morning, isn't it? Its too early in the morning and too late in my life to be asking these questions. The real question is are these valid questions? Do i really need to worry? Will I have an impact on anything at all? Now actually, thats supposed to be a plural, because as i count - thats more than one question.

wake up, wake up sunshine

A philosopher died. Another woke up half way through a dream and spoke of bountiful gardens, un -reachable all.. [maybe the reason why they were so].. but bountiful still. He realized not that sleep was a transition, something that did not define itself by its longevity, but by its persistence [maybe with a 'c' - the spellcheck works]. Continuation of what you did not intend is maybe persistence, but not the persistence that defines sleep. Sleep is essential. I am deprived of the essential. But not without my own interference. I could have but did not. Now the questions linger. But, could the questions be all that keep me awake? And thats another question. isn't it? [count++]

If you think, I 've gone crazy, you are not completely off track. Insomnia does things to you. Self induced insomnia does more. I wanted to say, i woke up but if you havent slept, could you wake up? I guess, you could say you woke up but, you really did not wake up.

Interestingly sanity is persistence too. Persistence to norms. And norms are human defined. So sanity is relative, because norms are. I want to look into the minds of people, see what they think. No, I do not want to know what's personal to them. But the thought process is what intrigues me. What happens in the sad electric/magnetic/'wish i knew what i was talking about' field that controls/is your thought process is what makes mine go haywire. Science??

'some tuesday evening, at 4 pm' [baz lehurmann] the truth will blind me. I am, aged as i am, supposed to be mature. Responsible for my actions and in them too. Another norm.

Wake up, wake up. Wake up sunshine. A glass of wine.. hmm.. might take me there. nighty night.