unbhole..

kya paaya tu ne .. yeh keh ke mujhse..
sivaye dho shabdon ke dhoori..
hai behther kuch alfaaz... adhoori..

sunday ho yaa monday...

Har Sunday ki aage hain ek Monday
Phir bhi hothe hi shaam......... jhukthe hai jaam......

Laage aisehhhh.. Laage aisehhhhh..
Jaise pinals mein ubhle sabh ande..
Jaise sirr mein paade sau dande..,
Jaise girlfriend ke bhai..sabh gunde..
Jaise test match laage one dayyyy..

Laage aisehhhh.. Laage aisehhhhh..

jaise maidaan mein udd gai dushman ki jande..
...................
...................



[TBC]

to capture...

a moment and to capture it in its entirety is art. There are tools which can accomplish this - if used skillfully and what not..
I have been thinking .. searching.. trying to find reasons/finances/and a good deal to get myself a digital SLR. It is quite an investment and i am not sure i will be able to do justice to what i put in. Which is why the delay in decision. I have cameras - and quite a few of them - three iphones [i know.. but i take more pictures than i make phone calls], a sony slim camera [the trendy ones that can go in a shirt pocket], a panasonic dvd camcoder, a handheld panasonic waterproof [you heard me right.. this thing works fine under upto 5 feet of water.. tested and confirmed] handheld camcoder, a regular reel camera [i still have one.. even though i don't think i 've used it in more than 6 years] and an olympus [12x zoom 6mp]. I have a few other cellphones i don't use anymore .. [hmm.. thats for another post anyways] but lets not count those.
Now considering all this.. i shouldn't. But then - i consider myself to be pretty decent at figuring out what makes a good snap [:)] and having used a friend's dslr [nikon d40] for a few months - and now that its that friday of the year time... the desire to own one has found some fuel. I am looking at the d90's and guess will need to invest/burn as much on the glass [pro term for lenses :)] as on the camera body bringing the amount very close to 1500$.
Now.. this isn't making it easier. The article i was reading earlier said make a pros/cons list. Might as well.

Pros
-----
- could get very good at it :) i definitely seem to have the desire
- better alternative to aimlessly surfing the web
- bragging rights
- awesome pictures

Cons
-----
- bulky
- might lose interest in a few months and then??
- big investment and it's not a one time investment.. glass costs a fortune.. and the more serious you get.. the more its going to cost
- the economy isn't getting any better
- don't know how to evaluate 2nd hand options.. basically can't tell the difference between the good and the not-so
hmm.. this seems to be adding up..

back to square uno. darn them D90s.

and life goes on...

Days like today make me realize the insignificance of my existence. Days where i wake up to hear someone's world break up with the loss of a dear one.. Days, I know, I will not remember as long as the ones who lost their all... Days .. i wish.. would not have happened but can't do a darn thing about... Days.. i know..  will just go on  as if nothing has changed.. at least nothing significant has.

The pain passed through.. and away.. way too quickly. In another world, the pain would have stayed - i would have done something as simple as go to the person who is in pain and lend a shoulder. But this is not my world.. I am back at work within an hour. Back into the grind that dictates who i am and what i do. And I realize, who i am and what i do is so insignificant that it will not make a significant difference if i am not here tomorrow. And what am I giving up for such an insignificant thing is what makes me wonder.. what the #*%$ am i doing here.

I, like many around me, have made mine a life where whatever happens, I still do what i would have done if it hadn't happened. And then i realize - life in general is like that. It will go on .. and you can't do a darn thing about it. As far as yours and mine are concerned, the best we can do is make the most of what we have today and try to do something that will make it better - for the ones who care about us. Because, tomorrow's sun is a certainty, but only for what goes around. Not for you or me.

In words i remember 'I am sorry for the one who's gone. But i am worried for the one's who live on.'

nuts and bolts

Whom do u talk to when you 'have to talk'? With whom can you be 'yourself' and not be judged or feel insecure that you would be? who can take you for what you are and still come back tomorrow feeling the same about you - even after what happens today?

People need outlets - it's a complex thing - this life. Things don't always balance out - so its tough to stay sane. Everyone needs someone who can be that 'washer' in this nut, screw, bolt combination thats life. [Screw seems like the right word for it too :)]. Someone to balance out this complex equation.
Friends unlike washer's are unfortunately tough to find/replace - especially the ones that fit well. Try hard and find the correct fit - and if you do find one... hang on for dear life. You are one of the fortunate few.

And one final piece of advice - don't screw around too much with the washers - they are a sensitive lot and are known to wear down very quickly :)

an evening to forget

walked into serenity one day, and figured it was time to talk..
way too many words had been left unsaid.. in the bygone walk..
found a fallen trunk, sat myself down and piled rant on rant..
and on i went, for ages it seemed, about things i could and didn't...
she smiled all along.. listened the length and finally said..
lets walk on now..you live too much in the life past and lost...
there's beauty in these woods,  of which i have read..
i 'd like to remember today for that than for words i shouldn't have heard...

the 'most things in moderation' guide

Don't be vegan - be a weekday vegetarian

Two beers is plenty for most occasions.

40 hours a week - means 40 hours a week.

80 in a 60 zone is pushing it. +9 is perfect for most states.

a movie a day is more per month by a lot plus a few.

2 hours of work out per day??? WTF?? r u going to war?

roses for the lady.. everyday?? you should see dil chahta hai..

two/three/...../n timing - either you 've got to be woods or well.. are you really?? i need an autograph..

feeling wretched about watching the Indian team get pummeled?? what's new??

feeling proud about being indian - when Aamir khan says so after showing Indians being rude to visitors.. We 've got miles to go and miles to go... and so have quite a few others

saving hard to become a millionaire?? today's not going to come back.. and its okay to become one an year later than you would have.. as long as you 've had fun getting there..

almost a packet a day???... dude.. might as well finish the packet.. you don't have too many of these days left...

eating out everyday?? ghar ka kaana.. very good very good.. outside eating.. kabhi kabhi..kabhi kabhi..

dress like you own the place?? why not.. as long as you remember you don't..

sleep too much??? lucky you :)

a song about sleep

and then i woke up to .. a song about sleep
about a promise i could not keep..
for voices inside me spoke.. of dreams to un-weave...
and the dreamy world i had to leave..
A new day was starting..
right before my lids.. now parting..
a smile shapes up beside me as i remember..
it was not much longer ago than last december,,
that i had thought love would as easy.. stay..
all merry..no dues to pay..
but that is now a gone by day..
i have my share to give..i know today..
i turn and look into your lovely eyes..
and i know i would wake up again..
a million times over.. just to keep that smile glowing..

music whine...

Lost to music.. hmm.. lost in music.. hmm..

This is a confession of sorts.. music is lost to me..
Not that its a big deal.. but hmm.. maybe it is.. Don't get me wrong.. I love music.. i love poetry.. not the dumb lines i write.. but poetry in general.. Music as is - is out of the world for me.. there are certain songs - i could get lost in.. but what i can never fathom is the tune of music.. hmm.. the rythm.. i know.. its difficult enough for me - that i cannot explain it either..

let me try using an example.. When i dance [if u can call it that..] i lose a tune two lines into any song.. so.. there's this beat you supposedly can follow and you just need to match steps to the beat.. that whole concept is lost to me.. doesn't mean i don't enjoy the song.. but you know.. maybe its just me having two left legs.. or something of  that sort.. i can never follow a beat/tune/rythm/whatever u call it.. for more than two lines in a song..
If you can understand Telugu - the word 'taalam' is lost to me.. So.. if you really need to know how bad i am at following a tune.. you should see me 'dance' or drive with me.. you would be able to see all wierd concoctions of  raptures - not remotely relevant to the song i am listening to.. on the steering wheel as i tap my fingers ...

Anyways.. i was looking at this video on facebook of some white girls [racist - i know .. but that's easiest way of saying it.. and well .. i am no racist... whatever i say] singing 'dil se'.. I absolutely love the song.. but have never been able to sing the whole song or any song, for that matter or even ever play any musical instrument.. I never have been able to create or even copy anything remotely resembling music in my whole life.. which i think is - darn dumb.. i sometimes come up with songs - lyrics of my own.. and set to some tune.. most probably something i 've heard and assume that maybe i 'created'.. but two days down the line.. i can't remember it anymore.. which obviously speaks volumes of how good it was.. that i - who wrote it - don't remember it.

Thinking of it makes me think about how 30 years have been lost to not understanding something i 've been listening to for as many years.. This makes me go back to a post of a friend - about what you 'create' defines you rather than what you 'do/follow'.. I look back and look for what i 've created... I can't see anything and say.. that is it.. I am proud of having 'created' that.. it's a shame.. really..

Darn.. That was good wine. Anything that can bring out a little honesty - is good..

work and breakfast...

The weather hasn't been very helpful of late. The rain doesn't always help. Especially on one of these mornings. Its going to be a long drive to work today and it does not help at all that its raining. But work is one of those things - it needs to be done and thats all there is to it.

I don't have to drive as far everyday - but today i have to. I had packed my briefcase, ironed my shirt, put a neat pair of socks next to my dress shoes and the kind yesterday night - it was going to be a long drive and i would rather start early. And being prepared helps - it always does. It has saved my rear a few times before. It must have done for you too. So thats what i am. Prepared.

Its a nice cabin i have here. It isn't too big. It sure isn't something you would see and go 'wow' about. But its nice. I don't have too many neighbors. There's the Robinsons next door.. well ... not really next door but at the end of the road. They are not loud anyways - and i like that. I can afford an apartment in the city - i really can. I get paid really well. But i like this. Its peaceful. I have lived in the city before and there's way too many ugly, insensitive, nosy people around. I am glad i moved. I have always liked being around nature. It soothes me. So you can sense the excitement when i saw this cabin for sale. The previous owners were dead and the person who acquired the property had moved to Europe and did not want some cabin in the woods. I knew i had found my place.

I have had the briefcase for a bit too. It has character. That's the only thing you would notice to be odd about my attire if you looked at me long enough. I am not too tall, not too fat, not too good looking, never overdressed, never under-dressed. I am the ordinary guy. You would see right through me unless you knew me in person. And very few people do. Today i put on a grey shirt and black trousers to go with my black shoes. I had contemplated a tie last night. Today I won't need one. I open my briefcase, make sure i have everything i need, close it and lock it.

Volvo's are exceptionally good cars. Underrated but wonderfully reliable. I drive one. I reverse the SUV into the garage when i park. It's easier when i have to drive out. I put the briefcase on the floor before the passenger seat and start driving. The cabin is at the dead end of the road -The one that starts with the Robinsons house. I have the woods behind me - the woods i love to hunt in. The woods i know every inch of - the woods  that i wander around whenever i get time to. But that is another day's story.

I drive out into the rain towards the huge city that spreads out an hour ahead. An hour and a half later, I drive into the parking lot of the metro station i have parked at during the last few visits here. Its early and not many have come in yet. I have time for breakfast. I leave the briefcase in the car and head out into the city. Thats about the only thing i like about the city. There's really good breakfast places and most are open as early as can be. I have a long hearty breakfast and wait until its about time. I can see most of the people are in their offices by now. I have a good view of the building i am visiting today from here. It's about 10 in the morning and the building manager has come out for his first cigarette. I call in from a pay phone and make sure the lawyer is in his office.

I pace back to the volvo get into the front seat and make sure there isn't anyone around. I open my briefcase take out the AMT, make sure the safety's on, pull down my pants and holster it into the holder on my right thigh. I stick the silencer into the strap on the left. I pull my pants back up, take the fake id i made for the office in the building and close the briefcase and put it on the floor before the passenger seat. I get out look at my reflection in the car to make sure everything looks in place and head towards the building. I slip into the apartment block next to the building, wait to see the manager finish a cigarette and go back in, and then jump over the wall separating the buildings and land right next to the dumpster. I run across to the door left unlocked by the manager and sneak in. I head to the elevator and take it to the floor where the offices of the badge i am wearing are. I head straight to the restroom, lock it behind me and take out the AMT and fit in the silencer. I undo the safery and hold it in my trouser pocket and start walking towards the stairs with my hands in my pockets. The law office of Hendrickson L. Freid is two floors down. I take the stairs and walk up to the reception.

"Is Mr. Freid in the office?"
" Yes. Is this Mr. Kensington? You are early for your appoi......" Her head or whatever is left of it hits the chair. The AMT's, small as they are, are perfect for close range shots. I open the door to Mr. Freid's office. He looks older in person in comparison to the picture I got from my 'client' and looks perplexed that his receptionist had not announced my arrival. He falls down in a heap on the floor next to the wall - now splattered red with blood and brains. 'pretty smart ones too', I think.

I borrow a file from his desk, put the AMT in it, close his office door behind me making sure I don't leave marks, and lock the door behind me after changing the sign on the door. It now reads Frederick L. Freid L.L.C.'OUT'. I take the elevator down, walk out of the front door and head to my car. In days gone by, I would have had to worry about getting rid of the gun. Untraceable bullets are a god send. The beard, double chin and extended fake thicker eyebrows will have to wait until I get home. They will go into the fire along with the file from the lawyers office. I take the long route back home. Its fun to drive in the rain when you are not in a hurry to get somewhere.

i love these pictures

this guy/gal has an eye for things.. and quite a talent with the camera..

http://thesupersnap.blogspot.com/

actually.. there's more talent around too..
http://plahvatus.blogspot.com
http://totaalselt.blogspot.com/

copy of:

boy Yeats anglam lo rasindhi mana jaateya basha aina hindi lo copy kotta :)

"sona sa roshan, chanda sa mudham,
subha aur raaton ki diyon se bunke
jannat phelaatha tere kadmom ke aangan..
gareeb hoon par, hain sirf mere khwaabein..
chalna jhara sambhal ke .. hain ab mere khwaab, tere charnon ke aadeen.."


ardham kaka pothe hurt avvadhu [also hurt cheyodhu- jai gandhi].. anglam lo chaala better ga untundi... 
W.B Yeats annadu >>
"Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

imp paadha padhamulu [foot notes]: ty to K for making me aware of these lines of Yeats'.

an extension to a dream...

beehive brains

Have you ever woken up with your mind feeling like a beehive. There's a thousand things buzzing in there but you just cannot put anything on paper. I am there today. And yes, we have to start somewhere, so- chronological is the way to go.

the friend

We had been expecting his call for a while now and were getting a little worried that he hadn't called yet. The phone rang and he said "where are you?"
Me and Su get into the car and drive towards the VTA station. We weren't sure how he had got there, but there he was - standing in the station with his back towards us. He was dressed as if he had just come from a pick-up game in the park. blue gym shorts with a blue 't' and a small backpack. I asked Su to call the dude and ask him to hop over the fence and get into the car when we pulled next to him on the other side. We had to make that u-turn and go around.
A few hours later [sure felt like a few days later] we were searching for him. The car was gone, we were following this street urchin who was leading us into what looked like an abandoned colony - all run down, in rubbles [nobody must have lived there for a hundred years]. 'I saw him wandering around here' he said, as Su put a few small notes in his hand.
As kids we had played in the torn down dutch bungalow. Those days flashed through my mind as we started going into each building trying to find him. A few hours later, we are still searching. I stop dead in my tracks. Something was crawling up my leg in my pants. Whatever it was stops too. I tear down my pants panicking, but being careful not to make it feel  threatened. It's a scorpion. small, black and deadly. And then it starts flying. I panic and start running. I think one of them found Su too, he's running too. That's when we see him. He's going up the stairs leading to the building before us. He's dressed in a red robe. He turns around and says 'They don't bite.'
We are an odd group even for this run down place. One in red robes, me in my boxers with my pants at my feet and Su - hmmm.. he still looks as if he's just come in to work. He leads us to this door which looks like its taped shut. He opens the door [and surprisingly the tape moves with the door] to a huge empty hall. The place is unusually clean for what it is in between. A huge mural is on the wall facing the entrance. There's me, Su and him in the mural - as kids playing in the Dutch Bungalow.. The cat wakes me up.
I pick up the phone, find him in my favorites - call him and say "Where are you?"

mera nihaan...

Itna hai kaahe jaana, bin tere din yeh soona,
Itna hai kaahe jaana, bin tere naahee jeena ..

Itna kyu tarse akhiyaan.. naa katt the mere rathiyaan...
pal bhar jo paa loo tujhko.. jeeloo usme sadiyaan sadiyaan..

suraj ki kirnom jaisi...phoolon ki surabhi jaisi..
paa kar bhi choo naa pao.. aisi hai teri zeenat..


...hmm.. inka naa valla kaadhu masteru... i sleeper...

aakali kekalu vesthunte....

+

=

boil water.. add knorr soup mix ... add maggi noodles + masala in noodles pack.... add a little cheese [i prefer feta cheese..] let it boil for a bit.. mixxo mixxu... put in bowl [= optional step]... mekkufy... 

and if you are me.. add pachadi for little variety... 

the things we oversee...

She had aspired to become a writer. She had once wanted to be better than him. But now, after three enormously unsuccessful attempts at a book, She hated even more how successful he was, how his books had sold by the millions. How he had won umpteen awards. How arrogant he was in not going to receive even one of those prestigious awards.

She had not liked him for a long time now. Actually she did not remember the last time she had liked him. Most of all, she hated his books. She hated how every other birthday of hers had started with finding one next to her pillow - neatly wrapped with a small birthday note. She hated that earlier on she had been naive enough to try and read some of them. She might have finished some of them too.. but what she remembered was how much she disliked being expected to read and maybe like them. She had moved away from him. She actually hadn't seen him in almost ten years.

'Some things never change!' - she thought, as she signed for the parcel that arrived on her 32nd Birthday. It was another book from him. She was surprised to see that this one was more like a bound draft rather than a published book. She opened it expecting the usual 'dedicated to the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world - My daughter Tanya.'

It was titled 'Autobiography of a failed Writer'. 'Such a hypocrite', she thought. She flipped to where the dedications were. 'Dedicated to my strongest critic, my ever so beautiful daughter, Tanya'. The rest of the book flew through in a few hours as she read her old man's version of his life and how he had aspired for nothing but love from his family - especially his favorite person in the whole world - his daughter Tanya. He lamented on how none of the many awards bestowed upon him mattered to him as much as a few words from her. She read on as tears rolled down her face. She broke down when she read that this was the only copy of the book and it had been written like all his other books - for only one person.

a note to myself....

It isn't everyday that I come across people whom i relate to poetry. Today is one of those days - rare as they come. I have not known this person for long, but today i discovered i have not known the person at all.
I read a blog today that brought a smile to my heart. There's an innocence to the words in the blog, something i have not seen in a while now. Not everyone is lucky to live a life of such honesty and i am happy for the person. It makes me want to be like the above mentioned - makes me want to relate with others with the same honesty and beauty of an approach to life as is mentioned in the words that make the blog. The words were proof enough of the honesty of the emotions and that is what i want to aim for in life henceforth. Big promises - but deeply felt.

the original

stress relief exercise routine

repeat every two hours in the office... works best if done in groups.

Who's this and which movie?

the better life??

Two clown fish on a coral reef somewhere on the Pacific coast decided to do something different. Both set off in different directions from the reef. One of them was immediately captured by a fisherman - who gifted it to his kid. This clown fish lived to be 9 human years old in the captivity of a fish bowl - always being fed and always in company of the other few fish in the bowl.

The other clown fish, mean while, swam across the open ocean, and saw a million new things in the ocean - something it would never had seen if it had stayed at the reef. It saw the wonders of the ocean, while always running from predators and searching for food sources, and finally died on the same day as the other clown fish and became dinner to a stingray.

which of the two had a better life?

Enlightenment

Fact: knowledge is infinite. Fact: Infinite is not achievable.
Implied: attaining full knowledge is impossible.
Assumption: Half-knowledge is very dangerous. [u could quote a ton of examples to make this a fact]
Implied: the world is full of dangerous minds with accidents always around the corner.

Assumption: Ignorance is bliss.
Thought: think of the possibilities ignorant minds with power could achieve in comparison to minds with half-knowledge.
bad example: Bush.

need of the hour: sleep. [fact: this is the most repeated comment on this blog]