music whine...

Lost to music.. hmm.. lost in music.. hmm..

This is a confession of sorts.. music is lost to me..
Not that its a big deal.. but hmm.. maybe it is.. Don't get me wrong.. I love music.. i love poetry.. not the dumb lines i write.. but poetry in general.. Music as is - is out of the world for me.. there are certain songs - i could get lost in.. but what i can never fathom is the tune of music.. hmm.. the rythm.. i know.. its difficult enough for me - that i cannot explain it either..

let me try using an example.. When i dance [if u can call it that..] i lose a tune two lines into any song.. so.. there's this beat you supposedly can follow and you just need to match steps to the beat.. that whole concept is lost to me.. doesn't mean i don't enjoy the song.. but you know.. maybe its just me having two left legs.. or something of  that sort.. i can never follow a beat/tune/rythm/whatever u call it.. for more than two lines in a song..
If you can understand Telugu - the word 'taalam' is lost to me.. So.. if you really need to know how bad i am at following a tune.. you should see me 'dance' or drive with me.. you would be able to see all wierd concoctions of  raptures - not remotely relevant to the song i am listening to.. on the steering wheel as i tap my fingers ...

Anyways.. i was looking at this video on facebook of some white girls [racist - i know .. but that's easiest way of saying it.. and well .. i am no racist... whatever i say] singing 'dil se'.. I absolutely love the song.. but have never been able to sing the whole song or any song, for that matter or even ever play any musical instrument.. I never have been able to create or even copy anything remotely resembling music in my whole life.. which i think is - darn dumb.. i sometimes come up with songs - lyrics of my own.. and set to some tune.. most probably something i 've heard and assume that maybe i 'created'.. but two days down the line.. i can't remember it anymore.. which obviously speaks volumes of how good it was.. that i - who wrote it - don't remember it.

Thinking of it makes me think about how 30 years have been lost to not understanding something i 've been listening to for as many years.. This makes me go back to a post of a friend - about what you 'create' defines you rather than what you 'do/follow'.. I look back and look for what i 've created... I can't see anything and say.. that is it.. I am proud of having 'created' that.. it's a shame.. really..

Darn.. That was good wine. Anything that can bring out a little honesty - is good..