two otters on an autumn night [potential]

I have been sitting here for what feels like ages now. I have been here yesterday evening and the one before. It took me a long time to figure out what her words meant. But now i know. Which is why i am here. Waiting.

In another world i 've been known with a different name. A name that has got more to do with what i do than what i am. You would not want to know the details of what i do. But i am not that person. I should not be doing that. But i do it anyways. It started because of what happened before. But still is - even though what happened before has faded. I like many of you live a life shaped by my past - but what defined the past is long gone.

I order the slow kill. It might be another long night here. The first night i was here, there was excitement. I had deciphered her words - I had figured out what it was I wanted in life. It was divine. Meant to be. I had ignored the obvious for long enough. The bar is almost empty now. The bartender has more time to kill. He comes over and says "Who is it?" How did he know. I must be an easy face to read. I had believed otherwise forever now. It must be her. I was changing. "No one" I blurt out. He takes the hint and leaves me to myself.

Two hours have passed and the sinking feeling is seeping back in. Am i late? Have i taken too long or did i really not decipher it right? It isn't the last option. I have proof. Its got to be here. I take out the copy I have of 'The Autumn night'. I had chanced upon the book a few months ago - but had thought it was a mere coincidence. It was her book. She was reading it when i 'met' her for the first time. It was boring to begin with. I have never liked romantic novels. But i was searching and somewhere in my convoluted mind I thought what i was searching for was in there. That made the pages flow through.

Half way through, it hit me. The city is a beautiful place by day. Pristine brick streets separate gorgeous Victorian buildings adorned with delightful street lamps.  By all along the plush cream walls lurks a 'dark' side. More so because people like me hid behind polished suits and pointless hats......

<<>>

WINE

Is wine the answer? hmm.. gotta think this through.

I am not a big fan of cold drinks. It makes my nose stuffy and what not. I have had more trouble with stuffy noses than hangovers. You can tell, seeing that i order my pearl drinks hot. So - beer is out of question. Can't have warm beer - it just doesn't sound right. half my heart stopped working after hearing that :(

The congnac's and the lot - am not there yet. And somehow, I don't see myself holding up a glass and saying 'aap, mein, aur bagpiper'. So can't do that.

Not a big fan of shots. basically don't want to be drunk. Just want to have a drink.

margarita's - cant do them warm. If you know otherwise - let me know.

The only thing - i know of, besides sake that can be worth taking in a glass at room temp or above is wine. Wine    [not the latter part of divine "entha tagithe antha balam" as Brahmi would put it] - my savior.. my lone friend who makes me a better person -- Face it, you are a better person when you are half drunk. They should make that a rule or something - Everyone should have a glass of red wine for breakfast. Now the wineries should give me a case of their best reds for saying that.. and i mean once every month :)

Jumping Jack

The gates were closed. The watchman was his usual self. Nothing would budge him to let you pass through. He knew how to get through though. There were other ways to get through. It was a short wall - easy to climb. But the fall was longer. Not to worry. He had done this a thousand times before!

The bag was heavy. It would have to go first. He threw it over. The wall had turned green with moss. He made sure not to taint his clothes as he jumped over. It would show on his whites. Wouldnt be nice to get caught. He had been caught before. Hadn't been a nice experience.  He landed softly.

There was a short alley right behind the first building. That was the fun part. No one would be there and if there were - it would be the 'sick' ones in the rooms whose windows opened to the alley. He knew the regular ones and they him. There would be a sheepish smile or two at most. But at the end of this alley lay the open end.  

The open end. where the best of them had been caught. He knew this well. It had to be quick and timed to perfection. One quick sprint and you could hide for a second or two behind the two shacks that were in the open end. But he could not stay there long. Its not good manners. And then the gathering was right across with only the second building between them and there were windows here too. PT would be making his rounds and it would not be too much fun caught loitering around the ladies loo :) One more quick sprint.

His back was to the building now. He could hear them singing. He inched towards the window to his room. He made a few quick glances in. No one. He shoved the backpack in through the window. It fell on the floor next to his desk. mission one accomplished! Now he could use a few excuses if caught. They wouldn't be too clever or anything. Which is why they worked. One more sprint and he was at the corner. The whole gathering stood before him right across the corner. The guardians had their back to the building and the whole other lot in white faced it. He was in luck today. The chorus had just finished and were starting to walk back to their lines.

He walked briskly right towards them and made a quick left right into his room. Darn!!! He walked right into PT! The sad puppy face comes on. 'Headache sir. It is very hot outside in the assembly today. I have been studying all night for the maths test.'. Sympathy usually works. PT smiles at him and says 'It's ok. Take some rest. You will need it for the test.'  and walks out. Bingo!! How wonderful it would be to be twelve again!

lost?

For seasons now, of which i 've lost count, there has been an effort underway. Sometimes in the background - Sometimes the prime goal - the effort has had its influence. Unrealized or not, I think it is a prime component of each of the journey's going about. It is a deliberate effort in my case. One which i sometimes hide from others, but know to be. The effort is to redefine who i am.

Years have flown by, decades have passed, centuries have changed and i 've been in a new millennium for a decade now. But the effort seems to be have no end in sight. The funny part is despite all this, that is about the most exciting part of me to me - the hope to see the best me before i am history.

Change - the over emphasized constant - is what excites and makes me endure the mission. And i am hoping its going in the right direction. Because, as i 've noticed, you don't know you are lost until you are lost. and then there's little turning back, if any.

And so, at the broadest my waistline has ever been, and at the most there's ever been of me - I embark upon another year, another season of the search for me. I hope to make it a lot closer to understanding what i am aiming for and become a lot lighter by the year to be able to make the jump to reach where i am reaching for - come 2012. Cheers and good luck to 11 fresh months to come.