Javed Akhtar - sublime

Javed Akhtar at his best in Zindagi Na Milega Dubara (courtesy: http://www.apunkachoice.com/content/article/sid100006079-zindagi_na_milegi_dobara_shayari/)



Tu Kyun Rota Hai

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannaate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi namm hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai

Pighle Neelam Sa

Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,
neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
na kahin hai zameen na kahin aasmaan,
sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,
keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
bas main hoon, meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan, aur main... sirf main.
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya.

Zinda Ho Tum

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum

Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhiye

Jo apni aankhon mein hayraniyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum

perception

crescent waves and crimson tides,

curvy roads around clumsy hills.. 

remembrance of a land i left behind..

a cozy town by hills and caves..
lazily lies wrapped in green and blue..
this, I see, through all that's changed ..
hidden behind busy lanes and endless lines..

And then it dawns unto me. life and people around me are what they are ..as i see them to be. The more good I see in people, the better they become. The better I think life is, the better it is. Simply said - Its all in the mind.

building bridges

Some long, some short, some rickety, some strong - bridges, like human relationships, come in all shapes and sizes. complicated as they are, its not ever easy to build them right. But its been done - and people have learnt to do so - some from mistakes and missteps and some from pure brilliance of foresight and carefulness. 

From experience, I have learnt that the ones that are the strongest and last the most aren't so because they have been built well in the first place - but also that there is constant work involved in keeping them intact. It is the same with relationships - you need to make the effort and constantly so to keep them intact. 

My better half told me that its not about making more friends - but its about spending the time on the few that you already have - that makes you happier. She, as in most cases, is right :)

It's a lonely place - this home away from home - and I guess the place we call home wouldn't be any better too - if there weren't people/friends to share with. I think there is solace in family, but social animals that we are - there's always the want for more. I have been lucky enough to find a good group to work with. Considering that I spend atleast a third of my weekday at work - its actually super nice that its the way it is.

Baarishein

Baarishein baarishein...
barse aaj .. ashq bhanke boondhein...
tarse aaj phir.. rooh tere aah mein...
bheege aaj phir... naina tere raah mein..

sochoo milke kyu hueh hum judhaa

tha nahee kehna mujhe alvidaa...
tum gaye tho tham gaye ..

yahee hothe ghum gaye..

ab dho saawan ho chale..
abh tho hat jaa ei baadhalein..
hone dho phir subhaan..
khilne dho phir aasmaan...

two left feet..

two steps right and a swoon backwards,

slow her down.. drive her wild..
walk with her .. a thousand miles..

two steps left and a swoon forward..
wait for her ..end of the aisle..
make her yours for life's long line..

stretch them arms wide..
hug them tight..
they are yours ..all yours..

dance your dance.,.. ride that tune..
waltz the line..
life's best danced.. hand in hand

boys of men

'A boy who won't stand up for himself becomes a man who can't stand for anything.' - Khaled Hosseini - The Kite Runner.
These words keep ringing back in my thoughts.. and I shudder every time they do. Expectations are an evil lot - they bring with them their weight in stone and tie themselves around your ankles even before the race begins. I ran away once, and have been running ever since - or so it seems. I wasn't much over eleven then, but then you needn't be. People apparently remember and do remind.

It was one of those things that changed me - I think - at least it started to. It changed me into a listener. I used to talk - talk like there was no tomorrow. I could sit twenty people around me and tell them stories on the fly - I could make them up and keep them interested. I stutter now. I talk slow. I am the guy who eats his words. In my brain a thousand thoughts go unsaid every day - and there has been a conversation where I could have said them and they would not have been out of place. But they fade away, into where they came from - a dejected lot.

'Open books' are an ill informed lot. In an ideal non-judging world they could make sense. But that world never existed. There's a few ways to dealing with it though - one of them is from another of Khaled's lines - another mis represented lot - 'A man who has no conscience, no goodness - does not suffer'. Basically it means, a man who does not care does not suffer - as in if I don't give a damn - I don't lose a dime. This is so because goodness is a relative term. As Dickens would put it 'We forge the chains we wear in life'. It is time to understand that breaking free is an act done unto self and needs no hands of help.

I

 "The world does not revolve around you"... in fact - it does not even rotate around you.. unless of course .. you are at the axis.. and mind you... the axis is a darn cold place to be at...

btw.. if its any consolation at all... the moon does revolve around you.. but the last time i checked there wasn't anything worth bringing back from there... all the Americans could get from there after travelling ~380000kms ... was some rocks and dust.. so.. you know.. go dance your little dance..

two otters on an autumn night [potential]

I have been sitting here for what feels like ages now. I have been here yesterday evening and the one before. It took me a long time to figure out what her words meant. But now i know. Which is why i am here. Waiting.

In another world i 've been known with a different name. A name that has got more to do with what i do than what i am. You would not want to know the details of what i do. But i am not that person. I should not be doing that. But i do it anyways. It started because of what happened before. But still is - even though what happened before has faded. I like many of you live a life shaped by my past - but what defined the past is long gone.

I order the slow kill. It might be another long night here. The first night i was here, there was excitement. I had deciphered her words - I had figured out what it was I wanted in life. It was divine. Meant to be. I had ignored the obvious for long enough. The bar is almost empty now. The bartender has more time to kill. He comes over and says "Who is it?" How did he know. I must be an easy face to read. I had believed otherwise forever now. It must be her. I was changing. "No one" I blurt out. He takes the hint and leaves me to myself.

Two hours have passed and the sinking feeling is seeping back in. Am i late? Have i taken too long or did i really not decipher it right? It isn't the last option. I have proof. Its got to be here. I take out the copy I have of 'The Autumn night'. I had chanced upon the book a few months ago - but had thought it was a mere coincidence. It was her book. She was reading it when i 'met' her for the first time. It was boring to begin with. I have never liked romantic novels. But i was searching and somewhere in my convoluted mind I thought what i was searching for was in there. That made the pages flow through.

Half way through, it hit me. The city is a beautiful place by day. Pristine brick streets separate gorgeous Victorian buildings adorned with delightful street lamps.  By all along the plush cream walls lurks a 'dark' side. More so because people like me hid behind polished suits and pointless hats......

<<>>

WINE

Is wine the answer? hmm.. gotta think this through.

I am not a big fan of cold drinks. It makes my nose stuffy and what not. I have had more trouble with stuffy noses than hangovers. You can tell, seeing that i order my pearl drinks hot. So - beer is out of question. Can't have warm beer - it just doesn't sound right. half my heart stopped working after hearing that :(

The congnac's and the lot - am not there yet. And somehow, I don't see myself holding up a glass and saying 'aap, mein, aur bagpiper'. So can't do that.

Not a big fan of shots. basically don't want to be drunk. Just want to have a drink.

margarita's - cant do them warm. If you know otherwise - let me know.

The only thing - i know of, besides sake that can be worth taking in a glass at room temp or above is wine. Wine    [not the latter part of divine "entha tagithe antha balam" as Brahmi would put it] - my savior.. my lone friend who makes me a better person -- Face it, you are a better person when you are half drunk. They should make that a rule or something - Everyone should have a glass of red wine for breakfast. Now the wineries should give me a case of their best reds for saying that.. and i mean once every month :)

Jumping Jack

The gates were closed. The watchman was his usual self. Nothing would budge him to let you pass through. He knew how to get through though. There were other ways to get through. It was a short wall - easy to climb. But the fall was longer. Not to worry. He had done this a thousand times before!

The bag was heavy. It would have to go first. He threw it over. The wall had turned green with moss. He made sure not to taint his clothes as he jumped over. It would show on his whites. Wouldnt be nice to get caught. He had been caught before. Hadn't been a nice experience.  He landed softly.

There was a short alley right behind the first building. That was the fun part. No one would be there and if there were - it would be the 'sick' ones in the rooms whose windows opened to the alley. He knew the regular ones and they him. There would be a sheepish smile or two at most. But at the end of this alley lay the open end.  

The open end. where the best of them had been caught. He knew this well. It had to be quick and timed to perfection. One quick sprint and you could hide for a second or two behind the two shacks that were in the open end. But he could not stay there long. Its not good manners. And then the gathering was right across with only the second building between them and there were windows here too. PT would be making his rounds and it would not be too much fun caught loitering around the ladies loo :) One more quick sprint.

His back was to the building now. He could hear them singing. He inched towards the window to his room. He made a few quick glances in. No one. He shoved the backpack in through the window. It fell on the floor next to his desk. mission one accomplished! Now he could use a few excuses if caught. They wouldn't be too clever or anything. Which is why they worked. One more sprint and he was at the corner. The whole gathering stood before him right across the corner. The guardians had their back to the building and the whole other lot in white faced it. He was in luck today. The chorus had just finished and were starting to walk back to their lines.

He walked briskly right towards them and made a quick left right into his room. Darn!!! He walked right into PT! The sad puppy face comes on. 'Headache sir. It is very hot outside in the assembly today. I have been studying all night for the maths test.'. Sympathy usually works. PT smiles at him and says 'It's ok. Take some rest. You will need it for the test.'  and walks out. Bingo!! How wonderful it would be to be twelve again!

lost?

For seasons now, of which i 've lost count, there has been an effort underway. Sometimes in the background - Sometimes the prime goal - the effort has had its influence. Unrealized or not, I think it is a prime component of each of the journey's going about. It is a deliberate effort in my case. One which i sometimes hide from others, but know to be. The effort is to redefine who i am.

Years have flown by, decades have passed, centuries have changed and i 've been in a new millennium for a decade now. But the effort seems to be have no end in sight. The funny part is despite all this, that is about the most exciting part of me to me - the hope to see the best me before i am history.

Change - the over emphasized constant - is what excites and makes me endure the mission. And i am hoping its going in the right direction. Because, as i 've noticed, you don't know you are lost until you are lost. and then there's little turning back, if any.

And so, at the broadest my waistline has ever been, and at the most there's ever been of me - I embark upon another year, another season of the search for me. I hope to make it a lot closer to understanding what i am aiming for and become a lot lighter by the year to be able to make the jump to reach where i am reaching for - come 2012. Cheers and good luck to 11 fresh months to come.

unbhole..

kya paaya tu ne .. yeh keh ke mujhse..
sivaye dho shabdon ke dhoori..
hai behther kuch alfaaz... adhoori..

sunday ho yaa monday...

Har Sunday ki aage hain ek Monday
Phir bhi hothe hi shaam......... jhukthe hai jaam......

Laage aisehhhh.. Laage aisehhhhh..
Jaise pinals mein ubhle sabh ande..
Jaise sirr mein paade sau dande..,
Jaise girlfriend ke bhai..sabh gunde..
Jaise test match laage one dayyyy..

Laage aisehhhh.. Laage aisehhhhh..

jaise maidaan mein udd gai dushman ki jande..
...................
...................



[TBC]

to capture...

a moment and to capture it in its entirety is art. There are tools which can accomplish this - if used skillfully and what not..
I have been thinking .. searching.. trying to find reasons/finances/and a good deal to get myself a digital SLR. It is quite an investment and i am not sure i will be able to do justice to what i put in. Which is why the delay in decision. I have cameras - and quite a few of them - three iphones [i know.. but i take more pictures than i make phone calls], a sony slim camera [the trendy ones that can go in a shirt pocket], a panasonic dvd camcoder, a handheld panasonic waterproof [you heard me right.. this thing works fine under upto 5 feet of water.. tested and confirmed] handheld camcoder, a regular reel camera [i still have one.. even though i don't think i 've used it in more than 6 years] and an olympus [12x zoom 6mp]. I have a few other cellphones i don't use anymore .. [hmm.. thats for another post anyways] but lets not count those.
Now considering all this.. i shouldn't. But then - i consider myself to be pretty decent at figuring out what makes a good snap [:)] and having used a friend's dslr [nikon d40] for a few months - and now that its that friday of the year time... the desire to own one has found some fuel. I am looking at the d90's and guess will need to invest/burn as much on the glass [pro term for lenses :)] as on the camera body bringing the amount very close to 1500$.
Now.. this isn't making it easier. The article i was reading earlier said make a pros/cons list. Might as well.

Pros
-----
- could get very good at it :) i definitely seem to have the desire
- better alternative to aimlessly surfing the web
- bragging rights
- awesome pictures

Cons
-----
- bulky
- might lose interest in a few months and then??
- big investment and it's not a one time investment.. glass costs a fortune.. and the more serious you get.. the more its going to cost
- the economy isn't getting any better
- don't know how to evaluate 2nd hand options.. basically can't tell the difference between the good and the not-so
hmm.. this seems to be adding up..

back to square uno. darn them D90s.

and life goes on...

Days like today make me realize the insignificance of my existence. Days where i wake up to hear someone's world break up with the loss of a dear one.. Days, I know, I will not remember as long as the ones who lost their all... Days .. i wish.. would not have happened but can't do a darn thing about... Days.. i know..  will just go on  as if nothing has changed.. at least nothing significant has.

The pain passed through.. and away.. way too quickly. In another world, the pain would have stayed - i would have done something as simple as go to the person who is in pain and lend a shoulder. But this is not my world.. I am back at work within an hour. Back into the grind that dictates who i am and what i do. And I realize, who i am and what i do is so insignificant that it will not make a significant difference if i am not here tomorrow. And what am I giving up for such an insignificant thing is what makes me wonder.. what the #*%$ am i doing here.

I, like many around me, have made mine a life where whatever happens, I still do what i would have done if it hadn't happened. And then i realize - life in general is like that. It will go on .. and you can't do a darn thing about it. As far as yours and mine are concerned, the best we can do is make the most of what we have today and try to do something that will make it better - for the ones who care about us. Because, tomorrow's sun is a certainty, but only for what goes around. Not for you or me.

In words i remember 'I am sorry for the one who's gone. But i am worried for the one's who live on.'

nuts and bolts

Whom do u talk to when you 'have to talk'? With whom can you be 'yourself' and not be judged or feel insecure that you would be? who can take you for what you are and still come back tomorrow feeling the same about you - even after what happens today?

People need outlets - it's a complex thing - this life. Things don't always balance out - so its tough to stay sane. Everyone needs someone who can be that 'washer' in this nut, screw, bolt combination thats life. [Screw seems like the right word for it too :)]. Someone to balance out this complex equation.
Friends unlike washer's are unfortunately tough to find/replace - especially the ones that fit well. Try hard and find the correct fit - and if you do find one... hang on for dear life. You are one of the fortunate few.

And one final piece of advice - don't screw around too much with the washers - they are a sensitive lot and are known to wear down very quickly :)

an evening to forget

walked into serenity one day, and figured it was time to talk..
way too many words had been left unsaid.. in the bygone walk..
found a fallen trunk, sat myself down and piled rant on rant..
and on i went, for ages it seemed, about things i could and didn't...
she smiled all along.. listened the length and finally said..
lets walk on now..you live too much in the life past and lost...
there's beauty in these woods,  of which i have read..
i 'd like to remember today for that than for words i shouldn't have heard...

the 'most things in moderation' guide

Don't be vegan - be a weekday vegetarian

Two beers is plenty for most occasions.

40 hours a week - means 40 hours a week.

80 in a 60 zone is pushing it. +9 is perfect for most states.

a movie a day is more per month by a lot plus a few.

2 hours of work out per day??? WTF?? r u going to war?

roses for the lady.. everyday?? you should see dil chahta hai..

two/three/...../n timing - either you 've got to be woods or well.. are you really?? i need an autograph..

feeling wretched about watching the Indian team get pummeled?? what's new??

feeling proud about being indian - when Aamir khan says so after showing Indians being rude to visitors.. We 've got miles to go and miles to go... and so have quite a few others

saving hard to become a millionaire?? today's not going to come back.. and its okay to become one an year later than you would have.. as long as you 've had fun getting there..

almost a packet a day???... dude.. might as well finish the packet.. you don't have too many of these days left...

eating out everyday?? ghar ka kaana.. very good very good.. outside eating.. kabhi kabhi..kabhi kabhi..

dress like you own the place?? why not.. as long as you remember you don't..

sleep too much??? lucky you :)

a song about sleep

and then i woke up to .. a song about sleep
about a promise i could not keep..
for voices inside me spoke.. of dreams to un-weave...
and the dreamy world i had to leave..
A new day was starting..
right before my lids.. now parting..
a smile shapes up beside me as i remember..
it was not much longer ago than last december,,
that i had thought love would as easy.. stay..
all merry..no dues to pay..
but that is now a gone by day..
i have my share to give..i know today..
i turn and look into your lovely eyes..
and i know i would wake up again..
a million times over.. just to keep that smile glowing..

music whine...

Lost to music.. hmm.. lost in music.. hmm..

This is a confession of sorts.. music is lost to me..
Not that its a big deal.. but hmm.. maybe it is.. Don't get me wrong.. I love music.. i love poetry.. not the dumb lines i write.. but poetry in general.. Music as is - is out of the world for me.. there are certain songs - i could get lost in.. but what i can never fathom is the tune of music.. hmm.. the rythm.. i know.. its difficult enough for me - that i cannot explain it either..

let me try using an example.. When i dance [if u can call it that..] i lose a tune two lines into any song.. so.. there's this beat you supposedly can follow and you just need to match steps to the beat.. that whole concept is lost to me.. doesn't mean i don't enjoy the song.. but you know.. maybe its just me having two left legs.. or something of  that sort.. i can never follow a beat/tune/rythm/whatever u call it.. for more than two lines in a song..
If you can understand Telugu - the word 'taalam' is lost to me.. So.. if you really need to know how bad i am at following a tune.. you should see me 'dance' or drive with me.. you would be able to see all wierd concoctions of  raptures - not remotely relevant to the song i am listening to.. on the steering wheel as i tap my fingers ...

Anyways.. i was looking at this video on facebook of some white girls [racist - i know .. but that's easiest way of saying it.. and well .. i am no racist... whatever i say] singing 'dil se'.. I absolutely love the song.. but have never been able to sing the whole song or any song, for that matter or even ever play any musical instrument.. I never have been able to create or even copy anything remotely resembling music in my whole life.. which i think is - darn dumb.. i sometimes come up with songs - lyrics of my own.. and set to some tune.. most probably something i 've heard and assume that maybe i 'created'.. but two days down the line.. i can't remember it anymore.. which obviously speaks volumes of how good it was.. that i - who wrote it - don't remember it.

Thinking of it makes me think about how 30 years have been lost to not understanding something i 've been listening to for as many years.. This makes me go back to a post of a friend - about what you 'create' defines you rather than what you 'do/follow'.. I look back and look for what i 've created... I can't see anything and say.. that is it.. I am proud of having 'created' that.. it's a shame.. really..

Darn.. That was good wine. Anything that can bring out a little honesty - is good..